Chapter 36: Losing Control


I know, I know. What happened to getting back on my normal posting schedule, right? Well, I’ve been having some major medical issues and, unfortunately, heat and humidity make everything worse. As in I can’t focus from the pain worse. Keeping to my normal schedule was impossible this time since I happen to live in a place where we get both during the summer, so I’ve been too exhausted from all the pain to get back on track. Sorry to all you wonderful readers who have been anxious to see what’s in store for our vampire lovers. And to all the readers afraid the past chapter was the last one? I promise you will know when the last chapter is. The title will have EPILOGUE in it.

If you didn’t realize what exactly was happening in the last chapter, Sookie and Eric slipped into a magical dreamland when they exchanged in True Blood. In their version, the shower rained snowflakes instead of water and they discovered a bed in the middle of a snowy winter wonderland when they pulled the shower curtain back. I will not be following the plotline of season 4 like I am with season 3, so my bonding scene happened earlier than it did in the series. And it would’ve been really boring for me as a writer to just repeat that exact same scene in this story, so I changed it. You like?

Finally, Eric made a liar out of me and the Authority will not be appearing in this chapter. Instead, Eric decided his magical sex marathon wasn’t enough and threatened me into writing another lemon. He’s growling at me right now for telling you the truth and Sookie’s in the corner whispering, “It’s true.”

This chapter did give me a chance to describe the bond better though, so I let Eric get away with it. Because they could both feel and push emotions to each other with their ties, I wanted to change the bond up a little and explain it a little better in this fic. Eric may come off a little softer in this chapter, but he’s finally embracing emotions he kept suppressed for 1000 years, so I think he deserves a little leeway. I promise you will all see badass vampire sheriff Eric again soon.

Disclaimer: I do not own True Blood or SVM. Charlaine Harris, HBO, and Alan Ball do. I’m just borrowing their music and changing up the beat. Trust me, watching the Viking dance would make you salivate.

For a second, I didn’t know where I was when I rose from my day death. I was resting on my side, my arms were still wrapped around Sookie, and feeling the minor warmth emanating from her body brought the events of last night rushing back. I kept my eyes closed and didn’t even inhale while I savored the feel of her in my arms, enjoying the closeness of her body and afraid the slightest movement would wake her up. Her back rested against my chest and she naturally curved her body to lie alongside mine, like she was made to specifically fit me in this way. Her wonderfully soft hair tickled my chin and her slightly heated skin felt amazing against my own. It surprised me that she was still in bed, but I couldn’t say I was disappointed to find her there. In fact, I’d prefer it if she were right there, snuggled up next to me, when I rose every night. The very idea filled me with pleasure.

Shit. I was so fucked.

Sookie might not be a fan of S and M, but she definitely had me whipped.

I slowly opened my eyes and looked at the beautiful temptress in my arms. Apparently, Sookie had woken up at some point during the day because she was fully clothed. The fact that I was so thrilled Sookie returned to bed after doing her daylight stuff, so she could be here when I rose, just proved how very whipped I was.

I was less thrilled to see she wasn’t naked, but that was a problem I could easily remedy.

Sookie was wearing one of those sundresses I loved so much, one I hadn’t seen before. It was a rich brown color that gently flared out at her hips, like most of the dresses I’d seen her wear. This one had gold, off-the-shoulder handkerchief sleeves, leaving her delicious shoulders bare, and matched the slender belt resting on her hips in color. A brown headband pulled her straight, golden locks back from her face.

Gods, I loved it when she dressed like this. It just made me want to tear her clothes off even more.

The way she was still pressed against me, her body slightly turned away from mine, conveniently gave me access to her neck. I planned to take full advantage of that in a minute, but wanted to enjoy this for just a little longer first. I knew it was a rare thing to rise before her. It was even rarer for me to wake up with someone in my arms. With the exception of Pam and Nora, I couldn’t remember there ever being another woman I trusted enough to go to rest with, not since before I was turned.

I trailed my eyes over her body and smiled when I realized she must’ve pulled my arm over her waist when she climbed back into bed earlier. I now understood why she claimed she didn’t really die for the day; she was still breathing. I had never met a vampire who could breathe during their day death and I watched her chest gently rise and fall for a moment, fascinated. I dipped into our bond while I watched her breathe and realized Sookie slipped into a state very similar to downtime when she slept, but it felt layers deeper.

Then I thought about what I just did… I dipped into the bond.


I formed a first level bond with Sookie last night.

To be honest, I knew I’d have a bond with her one day. I could feel it in my blood the night we met, but I always thought it would be a maker/child bond. That instinct, that magnetic pull to her in my blood, was one of the many reasons why I loathed Compton so much. I could feel my need to connect to her with my blood and he was an annoying obstacle, one I could do nothing about as long as Sookie supported his claim. It pissed me off even more that I could smell his connection to her, his blood running through her veins. Had I known he forced that blood on her and was drugging her with it, Compton would’ve been tortured before conveniently disappearing a very long time ago.

I could picture it now. The Magister would eventually get word of Bill’s demise and come knocking on my door for answers. I’d wear my most innocent yet bored expression while stating, “Compton was an idiot, Magister. How was I supposed to know he’d take me seriously when I joked the Japanese had developed a sunscreen protecting vampires from the sun?”

The funny part? I could see Compton really believing it too.

However, since I didn’t know he was drugging her at the time, I didn’t torture Compton and had to sit through my own very special brand of torture watching him walk around with Sookie like she was a dog he was training to heel, one that just wouldn’t obey. Nobody could suppress the fire in Sookie and I knew then and there Bill Compton’s days with Sookie were numbered. I thought he was just prolonging the inevitable anyway, that he was getting in the way of Sookie becoming my progeny.

Instead, it turned out Sookie was calling to my blood in a very different manner, but… for me to bind myself to Sookie in this way? And to, hopefully, create a full bond with her? The most sacred type of bond vampire kind had? Needless to say, the idea never occurred to me. Not until after she was turned and I still felt the furious need to connect with her through my blood. The fact that Godric felt the maker’s pull to her made it clear to me that she was never meant to be my progeny, but I never once thought the pull I felt meant I was being pulled to develop this type of bond with her. Well, assuming the stubborn woman would let me complete that bond with her. And I hoped she would because I could feel my very blood crying out with the need to complete it. I never thought I would ever bind myself like this to anyone, but Sookie had a way of making me do things I never thought I would do.

As of now, the bond was still just beginning to form and it seemed like both of us had the natural instinct to protect it and make it as strong as possible, like our blood both decided to reinforce our transitioning connection. Even a full night later, I could still feel her blood and mine weaving themselves together and surrounding our connection with our combined blood, and thus the magic we carry inside it, in an attempt to protect it. This was what I felt last night, my blood in the tie folding back in on itself to make it stronger while Sookie’s blood laced hers along it, weaving hers into mine, and making the bond even sturdier, like we were forming the links of an iron chain. I originally thought that iron chain was the bond itself, but now I realized those iron links were just part of it, wrapping themselves around the parts of the bond still developing, similar to chainmail. At the center of it all was our emotional connection, the heart of the bond itself.

By exchanging, the size of our original tie had grown, multiplying by a hundred in width. The tie between us had actually been very small originally and most of what we felt came through our blood connections to Godric. Now, because of the size of our connection alone, it could no longer be considered a tie and was definitely a bond. At the core of it all was our original blood connection, now broadcasting clearer emotions with the support of Godric’s open connections.

Tucked between our woven protective blood and our original connection, I could feel strands of our blood within the bond sizing each other up, deciding whether or not to take root in each other. When I focused on that section of the bond, I could literally feel the strands dancing closer before playfully darting away, like they were flirting with connecting, before teasingly pulling back. Ironically, it was my blood reaching out to hers and it was Sookie’s blood darting to and fro, making my blood give chase.

I rolled my eyes. She was going to make me chase her even at a cellular level.

On the outside, our blood had already woven together, strengthening and protecting our connection, but on the inside? Our blood was still courting each other. More of those strands would connect and tie themselves together with each exchange. Eventually, once we established a full bond, those strands would weave themselves together and the bond would feel like a million blood ties all woven into one. Developing a blood bond was so rare because those who formed one were choosing to connect at our deepest levels. When forming a bond, we connected with each other at our very cores, which is why we found it so sacred. It would take years, possibly decades depending on its strength, for a first level bond to deteriorate and at least a hundred for the second level to dissipate. The third was permanent, eternal.

Was I insane for wanting that?

No, I’d be insane for not wanting it. Insane for not wanting it with her.

From experience with the two bonds I already had with Pam and Godric, I knew each strand in our bond, each tie, was an emotion. If I focused on our bond, I could feel anything Pam felt even if she didn’t push it to me because those strands lit up. When it came to the average blood tie, I had to use my blood within the person who drank it to sense their emotions and use my tie to radiate them back to me. A blood bond was different than a tie or a maker/child bond though. Sookie and I would literally be connected by each emotion, but it was more than that. When Sookie felt hesitance, I could dig into that strand and find out who that hesitance was directed at. I still would’ve had to ask her why she was hesitant, but I would’ve known if her hesitance was directed towards me specifically and I would be able to do that with each of her emotions, as she could with mine.

I didn’t know many who formed permanent blood bonds, but the ones I did know told me no other bond could compare to it. They hadn’t been pulled to bond though, which was something even they thought to be a myth. From what they told me, apparently pushing and feeling emotions worked the same way, but I would also be able to single out one of those emotional strands and push an emotion straight into it, which would significantly intensify it, like lust. According to the bonded pair I knew, I could literally bring Sookie to her knees in orgasmic bliss anywhere and anytime if I pushed lust specifically into that strand.

Which was a tempting idea…

But that would just earn me a smack on the head and she’d probably rip the bond away in punishment.

If I pushed lust into the actual bond, it would work like it did when I normally pushed her lust, traveling down our connection to Sookie. With one more exchange, even more of those flirty strands would connect and then I’d be even more connected to her. After the third exchange? We would be linked together until the true death. In essence, we would be one.

Vampires had what we called a pledging ceremony, our own version of marriage, but it only lasted 100 years. Bonding was eternal. I wanted that bond with her more than anything, but did she?

Sookie wanted me to call her mine earlier. She wanted to be mine. I could even feel how much she wanted it in her blood, but did she want it for eternity?

All of these thoughts ran through my mind while I laid there, my eyes drawn to her rhythmic, soothing breathing. Staring at Sookie’s rising and falling chest though just had my lust, among other things, stirring, so I used that convenient access I had to her neck by leaning forward and pressing my lips to her skin. I propped myself up on my elbow while lazily brushing my lips along the tempting curve of her neck. Occasionally I gently nipped her and soothed the resulting ache with an equally gentle lick, reveling in the taste of sunlight on her skin. I was still tasting her when I felt her beginning to pull herself out of that incredibly deep downtime. She opened her eyes slowly with a soft purr, shifted her body minutely, and turned her head to catch my lips with hers. I swept my tongue across hers and deepened the kiss while I shifted my own body to partially cover hers and slid my hand up to her face, stroking my fingertips along her cheek.

When I pulled back, my lips just hovering over her own, she smiled softly, lifted a hand up to rest on the nape of my neck, and whispered, “Hey.”

“I like waking up next to you,” I admitted, speaking just as softly, and kissed her tenderly again. “But why aren’t you up?” I looked at her outfit, brought my eyes back up to hers, and revised my statement, “Up again?”

She ran her fingers through my hair and asked, “The question is, why are you up? You rose about an hour earlier than normal.”

I froze and Sookie burst into giggles. I pushed her confusion, she gasped at the clarity of the emotion, and then explained, “It was just your face. I never thought I’d ever see a vampire with a ‘deer caught in the headlights look’ on his face.”


“Ya know, when you’re drivin’ down the road at night and a deer’s crossing. He freezes when the head- oh forget it. You drive too fast to ever catch how a deer looks when your headlights hit him,” she said, rolling her eyes and giggling again. Something then occurred to her and her face fell. She tentatively asked, a little afraid of the answer, “You don’t just run the animals over when they cross your path, do ya?”

I could actually feel her hesitance to ask and hope that I didn’t in the bond, which was new. Usually, unless I really dug into her blood for answers, all I would feel was hesitance and hope, which would’ve really seemed twisted and fucked up considering the question she asked.

For both reasons, I laughed so hard my shoulders shook while shaking my head no. When I finally calmed down, I explained to her that with my enhanced eyesight and developed reflexes, I saw them ahead of time, even when I drove at that speed, and simply drove around them. Then I explained the bond part and her mirth rained down across our bond like a refreshing April shower.

Damn, I was enjoying the hell out of this bond.

“We must speak with Godric about this, min lilla lejoninna. With what you learned from Compton, my early rising could very well be due to the amount of your blood I drank,” I said soberly.

Sookie grimaced and, though I could feel her skepticism, suggested, “Or it could be a side effect of exchanging with a fairy? Hybrid fairy? Vampire-fairy hybrid?”

So I wasn’t the only one who had no fucking idea what to call her. Oddly, I took comfort in that fact.

I just gave her a look and she sighed while her blood hummed in agreement. She started to sit up and I pushed her back down. My voice came out rough, thrilling her in the bond, when I asked, “Where are you going? You just said I rose an hour earlier than normal, so we have time. And I very clearly remember telling you,” I dropped my voice an octave and purred, “I have fantasies of ripping these dresses off of you.”

And I did, too. Very vivid ones.

I fell face first into Sookie’s pillow before I could even drop my fingers to that silky fabric and tear that tantalizing dress from her body. Sookie, having popped herself into the corner of the room by her bathroom, pleaded, “Not this one, Eric. The maenad destroyed most of my clothes and this one’s my new favorite. I got it in Dallas.”

I rolled onto my side, propped myself up again on my elbow and eyed her with a predatory gleam, calculating my odds of reaching her before she could pop away. Sookie rambled on and on about the dress, trying her best to very deviously distract me by speaking as her fingers worked at the zipper. Her words softly trailed off when her fingers finally latched onto it and she slowly began seductively unzipping it, letting it fall into a puddle at her feet, and revealing some very naughty lingerie she’d been hiding beneath her sundress.

Now that was a distraction that would work on me.

I shot straight up into a sitting position, resting my feet on the floor, while a very primal, animalistic noise broke free from my chest. Her fangs snapped down when she heard it and the room suddenly filled with the scent of her arousal while her lust pooled in the bond, just begging me to go skinny-dipping in it with her. When my fangs didn’t immediately follow suit, though they throbbed like a mother fucker, she raised a single eyebrow at me in question. She pushed what felt like a dare to me while competiveness rose in the bond with a hint of a curiosity. Sookie was issuing me a challenge, curious to see if I could keep my fangs from dropping, one the predator inside of me was more than eager to accept, knowing the predator in her would pull out every stop in an attempt to win. She purred when she felt the challenge accepted in my blood.

The predator in Sookie might not think so, but both of us would be winners in this game. Somehow, I had a feeling the fairy in her knew that and was just as excited as I was.

And by winners? I meant we’d be having passionate, primal sex before she even realized there was honestly no way to lose.

The bond positively lit up and danced with a mixture of pure excitement, anticipation, rivalry, amusement, and lust. We both reveled in the clarity, the quality, of all the emotions before Sookie turned her focus back to me with a tilted head and catlike movements. She licked her lips while she prowled towards me, flexing and stretching her muscles with the grace and beauty of a limber feline, and stopped right in front of me. Nothing but pure lust and mischief swirled in the bond as she stepped between the V of my legs. She lazily lifted one well-toned, gorgeously tanned leg up and rested her foot on the bed right between my thighs, bringing my eyes to her sexy-as-hell sheer, black thigh highs, which I had foolishly assumed were simple stockings earlier when she was fully clothed. I was sure my fangs were throbbing harder than the night she tipped me into bloodlust with her natural scent, but I kept them at bay through sheer willpower. This was a challenge I would win.

Yet I wasn’t so sure my other throbbing part would last as long as my fangs would.

She unclipped her thigh high from her panties and peeled off the first one slowly, moving at an agonizing pace before carelessly tossing it over her shoulder. Sookie then turned her focus to her other leg, lowering one leg to lift the other to place it in the same cruel spot, unclipped that one from her panties too, and slid the second thigh high down her leg even slower, lingering over her knee, ankle, and toes in what I was sure was an attempt to drive me bat-shit crazy with lust. My hands followed the path her own took as she slid the fabric free, increasing the lust she felt as I did. She smiled wryly at me with her fangs fully extended before adding the last thigh high to her growing pile on the floor.

Solely clothed in a sheer, lacy black bra and matching lacy black boy shorts, Sookie leaned down, brushing her lips over my ear while I trailed my fingers up her silky thighs, and huskily asked, “Isn’t it a little more fun sometimes when you don’t destroy the clothing?”

My fangs nearly dropped and she knew it.

I attempted a retort, but the words died in my throat, so I just smirked and commented in a voice still way too deep to pass off as unaffected, “Well, that was saucy.” I may have growled when Sookie then gave me a view of her delicious backside as she turned to walk away.

A thousand years was a long time to perfect the art of sex and yet, somehow, Sookie could make all those years of experience fly out the window simply by taking off her clothing.

What. The. Fuck?

“I think I’m gonna spend that extra hour we have by takin’ a hot, steamy shower,” she said with a voice as smooth as silk. A few feet before she reached the door to her bathroom, she flipped her hair, looked over her shoulder at me, and seductively asked, “Coming?”

If she kept talking like a sex kitten, I definitely would be soon. Embarrassingly soon.

Sookie didn’t even have a chance to take another step before I swept her up, threw her over my shoulder once again, and continued casually walking to the bathroom.

“Uh, not that I mind the view, in fact I’m pretty sure Michelangelo modeled David ‘s ass after yours,” she began and muttered something about how Michelangelo definitely screwed up the frontal proportions. “But I can walk, ya know.”

I pulled the shower curtain back, turned the water on, and closed the curtain again. I did all this with her still slung over my shoulder and added, “If you put on a show like that and expect me not to go all caveman on you, then you seriously need to rethink your tactics.”

She giggled and pinched my butt. I stood her on her feet in front of me as something suddenly clicked. I knew she could feel my incredulity through the bond, as well as my “light bulb moment,” but by some miracle, I kept a straight face when I accusingly asked, “It was you, wasn’t it? You used your light shield that night and pinched my butt.”

She giggled while her blood said yes for her, shrugged her shoulders, and explained herself by teasingly stating, “Beautiful butt.”

Although I was still a little shocked, yet delighted, by my newest discovery, Sookie quickly snapped me back into focus when she reached for her lingerie. I gently brushed her hands away, leaned in so my lips hovered just over her ear, and purred, “I believe it’s my turn to remove your clothing without destroying it.”

Sookie graced me with my favorite sound when her breath hitched, and I took my time lazily showing her how I could remove her undergarments with just my teeth. I lingered when I got to her moist panties, dropped my fangs (putting the game on pause by unspoken agreement), and made sure she felt them graze the sensitive skin on either side of her clit as I tugged her lacy boy shorts further down and let them fall the rest of the way to the floor.

She removed her headband and gave me a challenging look when I stood back up. Reluctantly, I retracted my fangs again, shielding just how painfully it hurt to do when they throbbed so badly, and we stepped into the shower. She turned and kissed me, catching me off-guard once more and I tucked my slippery arms around her waist while we kissed.

Drugged by the rhythm of her tongue, I didn’t notice when she reached for the shampoo bottle. Nor did I notice her lathering up her hands and massaging her fingers through my hair, but I definitely noticed when she dragged her fingernails across my scalp, something she knew would make my lust flow into the bond like a floodgate had been thrown open. I growled and she just chuckled while lathering her hands up again and unknowingly gave me a merciful chance to regain my control by seductively washing me all over, lingering over places she knew I liked being gently touched when we made love. It felt amazingly good, was erotic as hell, but only made me purr while pleasure lathered up the bond the way she lathered up my skin.

I chuckled when she growled in frustration and pushed me under the shower head to rinse me off. I leaned in and brushed my lips over her ear as I asked, “What’s the matter, lover?” She shivered when I nipped her earlobe and added, “Ah, a shame. You might actually lose this one.” I then lowered my voice, while I ran my hands along the length of her fidgeting legs, knowing the effect I had on her with just my tone, and purred, “I know I can make yours drop faster than I can your panties.”

When I pulled back, something had shifted in her. Sookie looked wilder, more animalistic than before, but not like a vampire whose very body was burning with need, like mine was. I knew for a fact I looked predatory and had only grown more so since this game began, but Sookie didn’t. I suddenly realized what I had just done by taunting her when I dipped into the bond and felt the sheer strength of her emotions, the intensity of them, as Sookie panted before me. I’d unleashed the Fae in her. I was now trapped in a shower with a fairy.

Not a situation most vampires would find appealing.

Yes, fairies were delicious, but they could also be vicious as hell. I’d only ever really encountered this side of her once before, when she was trying to protect us, and found myself a little unnerved.

She licked her lips, pushed me further backwards, bent forward and flipped her hair back like one of those girls in a shampoo commercial, which I had to admit was sexy as hell. I had been hard for a while, but grew impossibly harder with just that one move. It was truly miraculous that I was able to keep my fangs at bay and I knew I wouldn’t last much longer.

“What’s wrong, vampire?” she asked slowly, amusement dancing in her eyes, and her tone had changed. Every word came out rougher, wilder, yet dripped with sex. Her voice alone nearly made me cum. In either an incredibly stupid or amazingly brilliant move, I glanced downward. I immediately brought my eyes back up, a little afraid of what a fairy would do to me in this position, but the damage was done. Sookie’s eyes had followed the direction of mine.

She licked her lips again, moaned deliciously, and with a voice that was both alluring and wild, she asked, “Is that the problem, cowboy?” knowing my lust would shoot up with the pet name. “Well, I can fix it for ya,” she drawled, trailing a finger across my chest while the bond turned cheeky and mischievous in addition to the never-ending pit of lust the two of us seemed to have going.

Sookie pressed herself deliciously up against me, slipping her feet between mine, and pushed my feet wider apart with her own. She then licked my neck in a move that made me shudder, backed up once again, and dropped to her knees in front of me.


I averted my eyes quickly, staring at the ceiling, because I just knew that not only would my fangs drop if I looked down at her again, but I’d also lose control like a virgin given his first dirty magazine. I fantasized about Sookie on her knees before me many times and with how turned on I currently was, I’d cum faster than a speeding bullet if I actually watched her. I gritted my teeth and locked down every muscle in my body because, by gods, I would not embarrass myself like that. If ever there was a time I needed to control myself, this was the moment.

And then she did the unexpected.

She plunged her fangs into the artery that ran along my inner thigh and pulled, teaching me in the process to never look away again.

My fangs dropped and I came.

Not only that, she had me crying out words of gratitude to my gods in my native tongue, one I had stopped using long ago when the language naturally began altering over time. Then I slammed my fists into the shower walls when she continued to pull, every vein in my body vibrating in ecstasy, and snatched Sookie up before she could make me lose control all over again. I shoved Sookie hard up against the wall while Sookie lifted her legs and wrapped them around me at vamp speed, and entered her in one strong, upward thrust.

Nobody had ever fed from my thigh before. The only other vampires I allowed to feed from me during sex were Nora and Pam, which was a very long time ago. Pam never even tried it and with the way Nora ran hot and cold with me, I never allowed her close to that specific area with her fangs drawn. Sookie was the first and hopefully the only one to ever bite me there. In a way, she had unknowingly marked me as her own by biting the one place no other ever had.

And it unleashed something primal inside of me.

I bit her hard on the shoulder, not to drink from her, but to mark her as mine while she dug her nails into my back, drawing blood as she dragged her nails across my flesh. The playful air in the room suddenly turned darker, rougher. This time there was no tender lovemaking, no slow caresses, and gentle kisses. It was urgent and frenzied. It was violent and animalistic. In other words, it was passionate, primal sex, as I always knew sex with her had the potential to be. Even when she was human, I knew if I ever had the opportunity to fan that flame inside of her, Sookie would burn brighter than an inferno. I got caught up in that blaze, truly losing control for the first time since the period just after I was turned. I didn’t know if it happened because I was finally releasing all those emotions I’d kept suppressed over the years or if I was experiencing the exact reason why I was taught to suppress them to begin with, but I lost it.

I slipped into the deepest state of bloodlust I had ever known and was nothing but animal in that moment. I would’ve killed anyone if they dared to interrupt us and I would’ve reveled in the kill, be it an innocent or a member of my own line. My movements became even more feverish, my fangs elongated fully, and my growls gradually became more predatory until I roared while I thrust into her. Yet, ironically, my actual touches were tenderer, my lips on hers became gentler, and the bruising grip I had on her thighs turned feather-light. Even the purely animal part of me knew not to hurt Sookie, never her. Even the darkest part of me would always be gentle with her, because Sookie was mine. I immediately felt the animal within me violently and fiercely object to that, hissing out that she wasn’t just mine. Sookie was my mate and my blood hummed in agreement when my thoughts acknowledged it. Greedy for more, my mouth moved to her neck and I grazed her skin with my fangs. Sookie brought me back from the brink, knowing I was already too far gone to handle her potent blood in my current state, and snapped me out of it by pushing me love.

I stilled completely as millions of lips trailed themselves across my body, thousands of hands caressed me from head to toe, and sunlight lit me up from the inside out. The animal inside of me basked in it, like a tiger lazily stretching out on a flat rock to soak up the sunshine, purring as Sookie’s love stroked him. Never once pausing in filling our bond with her beautiful love, Sookie reached up and caressed my cheeks with her thumbs while sliding her fingers gently into my hair. Her eyes held a question in them, one reflected in the bond with her concern. I nodded, telling her without words that I was back in control, and kissed her gently, like her lips were the most fragile thing in existence.

I pulled back, breaking that gentle kiss, and weaved the fingers of my right hand into her damp hair while still supporting her weight with my left on her thigh. I caught her eyes with my own in a heated gaze and softly said, “I don’t understand it, Sookie.” I knew she felt my genuine confusion in our newly formed bond just as clearly as I could feel her own. With my eyebrows knitted together, I asked her in a low voice, “You with me? I’ve done many things in a thousand years, and I cannot think of a single one that makes me worthy enough to warrant a gift as beautiful, inside and out, as you.”

I caught a blood tear from her with my lips and swallowed it, surprised to taste her disbelief in it. Sookie very forcefully grabbed me by the chin, tilting my head down to make sure I met her eyes as she quietly stated, “I ask the same thing ’bout you, Eric. Why you love me of all people, because I feel like I don’t deserve it.” When she felt my rising protest in the bond, she mentally smacked it away and sent me the need for trust, “Push your love to me, Eric. Push it and immerse yourself in the bond when you do.”

She closed her eyes, slowly started rotating her hips, setting a much gentler pace for us, and I could literally feel her sinking into the bond as she moved, letting the emotions carry her away like a feather caught in a breeze. I pushed her love and did the same, letting the emotions engulf me, literally becoming part of the storm that was my love for her, caught up in the winds of how furiously, feverishly, and desperately I loved her. We both climaxed when the way we both loved each other collided.

When I opened my eyes again, she wiped away her own tear before I could taste it, not wanting me to taste the emotion it held, and softly said, “That is what makes you worthy of bein’ mine, Eric. The way you love me literally forces all of the air in my lungs to abandon me in a rush and the sheer strength of it leaves me speechless. I don’t care if we ever did somethin’ to deserve each other, the beautiful way we love each other is all the proof we need that we are worthy of receivin’ love just as beautiful in return.”

The bond went through such a furious whirlwind of emotions that I couldn’t keep up, which was rare for a thousand year old vampire, but ultimately conviction and faith overtook the others, beating furiously in a sweet tune that matched her emotions. I kissed her again, pushing all the faith I had in her into the bond as I did. When I gently released her lips, I murmured, “Just once, min alskare. I wish you could see yourself as I do. Just once.”

I could feel her deflecting, pulling back from me in the bond and tucking herself closer to her core, when she joked, “I have, and most of the time, you picture me naked.”

Sookie suddenly shivered in my arms, closed her eyes, and pushed agreement to Godric. She looked back up at me and explained, “We gotta get dressed. Godric called me, so I guess we spent a little too long in the shower.” Mirth lit up in the bond as she spoke and I gently set her down. Wishing I could take my time, I cleaned the smell of sex off us both and washed Sookie’s hair at vamp speed.

After we dried off, Sookie slipped into another pair of black jeans, some peeptoe shoes with stilettoes, and a silky, dark purple shirt. She strapped her knife sheath to her forearm and slipped on a black cardigan with gathered fabric sewn into the seam at the shoulders. Sookie surprised me when I turned to her dresser looking for the clothes I wore yesterday and found fresh clothing instead. Realizing she popped back to my room to get me clothing, I thumbed through them with a smile. She picked out one of my typical black wifebeaters, a green V-neck, and a blue sweater. I slipped on the green shirt, a pair of boxers, and grabbed a pair of the black jeans she set aside, only to find a pink lycra spandex suit beneath it. My blood cried out “Oh shit!” before I could stifle it and I slowly turned back to look at Sookie, who was just staring at me with a raised eyebrow while the bond went through an uproar of mirth, mischief, and all-around hilarity.

“Pam threw a-”

“You ain’t gotta explain it to me,” she said in an indulgent tone, my exasperation only increasing her amusement. “You’ve got your vices,” she teased, “and I’ve got mine.”

The suit was forgotten in an instant and I vamped over to her, sliding my arms around her slowly while I leaned in, my mouth hovering over hers, and huskily asked, “And what might those be, lover?”

“I got a thing for Vikings and cowboys, now go get dressed,” she ordered, deflecting while blushing in the bond and swatting my butt. “Godric’s waiting. And I wanna know if you’d braid my hair again?”

I smiled, finished dressing, and sank my fingers into Sookie’s wet locks to braid it. I braided it absentmindedly, thinking about earlier, about how Sookie felt she didn’t deserve me and shielded the worry I felt for her while my fingers moved nimbly through her hair. How could Sookie feel she didn’t deserve me? She was just beginning her life as a vampire and yet she’d never killed on accident or for sport, she worried for and wanted to protect her feeds, and had more control over herself than any other vampire I’d ever met. I could feel the goodness in her, the light inside of her, how beautiful her emotions were, and the combination of being both vampire and fairy truly put her on a level above us all. Even before she was turned, the way she embraced every supernatural she came across with genuine respect, the fierce loyalty she had for her loved ones, and her fiery, yet gentle nature was an incredible sight to behold. Supes were drawn to her like magnets and she embraced them all, giving all of us a small glimpse of sunlight just by being in her presence.

I, on the other hand, was a manipulative, high-handed, bloodthirsty ancient vampire who spent years killing for sport. I didn’t kill the innocent, but I killed for sport and I reveled in violence. I enjoyed the high I got from bloodlust and thirsted for a good battle. I killed thousands throughout my years, mainly during the period of time I spent as an enforcer, what humans today would refer to as a mercenary. Unlike Compton, I knew I was vampire and I embraced it fully. And Sookie didn’t think she deserved me? She didn’t. Sookie deserved better and I decided in that moment I’d strive to be what she deserved. I couldn’t change my nature, although I could be more open. But then I realized I already was. Sookie had me laughing in public, letting my bloodline help me carry my grief, and openly showing affection to the ones I cared for. I was already changing and I briefly wondered what I would ultimately become with Sookie in my life.

“Eric?” Sookie called, snapping me out of my internal musings. I met her eyes in the mirror. She wanted to be able to see me braid her hair so she could learn the process herself. Part of me was reluctant to show her because I wanted to be the one who braided it, braiding your woman’s hair was a sign of affection in the Viking era. She laughed and promised me I could still braid it when she discerned how I felt about it in the bond and explained she only wanted to know so she could do it for Jessica after Jessica joined the bloodline. “Uh, it’s beautiful, but this isn’t the same braid,” she said with a questioning tone.

I shifted my eyes to her hair and laughed. Her hair was braided in the style of a woman who was being courted. My mother taught me all the braids, although I never had the chance to braid the hair of a girl I was courting when I was younger. I was more interested in sowing my wild oats than seriously courting anyone. I bet my mother and father were currently laughing their asses off about what I just did in Valhalla.

A separate thought process peeled off and analyzed my last thought in the background while I continued talking to Sookie. For a thousand years, I thought I needed vengeance to put my family to rest. Now I was thinking about them laughing at me from inside one of Valhalla’s golden halls. Sookie told me when she popped into my room that night that my family was already at rest, that I was just working on putting their memory to rest now. I didn’t truly believe her at first, but then she did something to me. She pushed her light into me and closed that aching wound. Being embraced by that healing light had felt like being embraced by family when I returned home from a long voyage.

When she pushed that light into me, it literally felt like the hands of my kin were reaching out to me, touching me in any way they could, even if they could only reach me with their fingertips and for one fleeting second, I thought I heard their voices telling me in gentle whispers that it was okay to let go, that they had found peace, and it was time to seek my own. I knew Sookie healed something within me that night, but I didn’t know if she really had connected me to them in that moment. Kinship was sacred to the Fae and maybe, just maybe, she had.

And looking at Sookie, her hair styled like a Viking maiden being courted, I realized it didn’t matter if I truly heard them or not. I was already working on the newest vow I made to my family, finding that peace.

Even though finding peace with Sookie at my side would probably be an oxymoron.

“What’s it mean?” she asked, stroking her newest braid with a smile.

“Do you like it?” I countered. She nodded and I could tell she did truly enjoy it through the bond. “Then what’s it matter?” I asked, barely containing a grin.

“Eric,” she said in an admonishing tone.

“Sookie,” I said, imitating her tone as I reached for the handle on the door.

“Wait!” she cried out and I stilled, feeling her alarm. “Only the bedrooms are light-tight. We have to pop down to Godric.”

Well, that would’ve definitely been one way to find out if her blood really worked like vampire sunscreen.

Seeing as how I drank from her hours ago though, it was more likely Sookie would’ve had herself a southern-styled vampire barbeque instead.

Not the type of meal I was hoping for this evening.


26 thoughts on “Chapter 36: Losing Control

  1. Eric is so amusingly clueless. Epic! but he’s giving in to his emotions and that’s very important. that loving someone is not a sign of weakness but a sign of great courage. and it’s incredibly sexy too. *nudge, nudge, wink, wink* 😀
    excellent chapter. so swoon worthy. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • Loving this review. I think you definitely understood Eric better than he did, lol. You are very perceptive. I think you catch on to a few things many wouldn’t usually see at first glance- I was a sociology minor in college so there are definitely some deeper layers to their behaviors, reasons why they react the way they do, which you seem to pick up on pretty quickly and I love that!


  2. I love this story but I gotta say reading white on a black background is hard on my eyes. Won’t stop me reading though 😋
    It was nice seeing Eric so emotional but nicer to see the easy banter between the two. Looking forward to more 😀


    • I’m sorry about your eyes. Well, you know what I mean. Lol. 4padfoot, who I have now deemed “the most amazing person I know but have never met” for posting this while on vacation, works the magic on this site so I can’t help ya there, but I actually like the darker vibe of it all visually. So, what I can do is tell you there’s a version posted on that is black on white- the reverse.

      I’m glad you liked the emotional Eric moment and, honestly, I actually like the banter more too, it fits their relationship. But an emotional overload, Eric snapping, had to happen at some point since he’s fully embracing his emotions for Sookie when he was always taught to do the opposite. He’s really at the mercy of his love for her, and that goes against something a pretty depressed and emotionless Godric taught him when he said, “A vampire is never at the mercy of his emotions, he dominates them”(I always felt Godric was already starting to spiral downwards in that flashback on TB). That conflict was bound to cause a reaction & I thought it was best for Sookie to be the one to show him another way,that instead of stifling emotions to maintain control of the rasher, violent predator in him, he could USE those emotions TO control the predator part of him, like she did by flooding him love to soothe his beast & give him back control.

      That was what I was trying to accomplish anyway. Hopefully it came across that way. If not? Oh well, it was still a great moment between them. 😍

      Liked by 2 people

    • I also HAVE to go back and reread because it’s THAT good!! love this story and love you ‘splaning the difference in the bond they have now.

      It amazes me that you are able to write this well while you are hurting so badly. I also live with debilitating pain and this summer has been the wettest on record and I’m hating every minute of it. what an amazing talent you have, thank you for sharing with us ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  3. What an excellent chapter. The recommended music was a fitting accompaniment. Though when Eric was lying beside Sookie looking down on her as she slept thinking about their first level bond and what it all meant, Adele’s ‘Take It All’ was playing on my machine. Also very apt for his thoughts. Adored their love making. Your descriptive style is excellent, and arousing. 🙂 Impressed with how you have grown their relationship. Thankyou for a stimulating chapter. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • What song did you listen to? I have a couple songs I need to go back and add to chapters (with 4padfoot’s help) and I actually hadn’t decided on the final one for this, still debating between a few. *sheepishly admits* Did you go with the title and play a song called “losing control” by someone?


  4. Pingback: Updates 7-19-15 | Fanfiction Minions

  5. Loved this chapter, even thought it took me forever to finish it due to working on stuff with the family, sigh…
    Having insight to Eric’s thoughts is always wonderful especially when he is trying to figure out his emotions. I’m glad he realized how much she is already changing him, for the better, too. Emotions don’t have to make you weak, that can help you be stronger! Sookie is right that it doesn’t matter what they’ve done in the past – they aren’t a prize that was won, they are parts of a whole that belong together to complete each other!
    Love that he braided her hair like a maiden being courted!! Wonder if he’ll ever own up to that? Lol
    Enjoying the updates and look forward to more.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Excellent chapter! Eric is so playful and then so serious, but always the sexy vampire for Sookie! I can’t wait to read this again! So glad you’re feeling better! This weather kills me too. OK, now I’ve gotta go read this one over again! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • I’m always trying to combine the playful amnesiac Eric with the intense vampire we saw in TB, because he told Sookie “that Eric” was a part of him and she never gave him the chance to show her. Instead she said she couldn’t have either him or Bill- right after she had another giant dose of Bill’s blood. So I’m glad he comes across that way, as both intense and playful.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Great chapter, I read it twice too! I love the emotions Eric worked through, he’s learning he has depths he’s never explored. His perception of control is changing too – he’s realised letting go with somone he loves isn’t about losing control. You do a great job of highlighting the many sides of Eric – playful, funny, sexy, loving, loyal.

    Sorry you’re experiencing such pain. Write at a pace you are comfortable with, not one you think is expected. You have an excellent story and people will still be hear to read it, your health is more important. Temperatures play havoc with muscle and nerve pain. My fibro is worst in winter but hot weather plays havoc with me too as it drains my energy even quicker – I can’t cope with extremes so I’m lucky I live in England lol. I hope it cools down for you soon.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. She enjoys playing games now– her fairy side was amped up, so part of her is always looking for amusement and causing a little mischief. Eric’s gotten the brunt of most of that part of her nature since she returned. Lol. Her vampire side comes out through her predatory behavior and possessiveness & her Fae side comes out through her need to protect her kin and new sense of mischief. I decided I wanted her Fae side to be more like Puck.


  9. these two are enjoying one another in more ways than one…. he has figured out there is more to them and their bond than meets the eye… sooner or later we will see if he is immune to the sun after they drink from one another again. KY

    Liked by 1 person

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